Think about it. If everything you eat becomes part of you, then eating one of these pies would make you part mongrel shit-bat. Thank you, but no thank you, Mr. America.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
A REAL American
I'm not going to go so far as to condone the actual consumption of one of this dude's pies, but I like his style no less. Actually consuming a squirrel, as tempting as that sounds, may be dangerous.
Think about it. If everything you eat becomes part of you, then eating one of these pies would make you part mongrel shit-bat. Thank you, but no thank you, Mr. America.
Think about it. If everything you eat becomes part of you, then eating one of these pies would make you part mongrel shit-bat. Thank you, but no thank you, Mr. America.
Shit-Rat Shit-i-Cane
Seems that I have officially won the battle for my territories. Taken the hill, so to speak. That nasty red prick from a few weeks ago came back last week. Seems that I need to calibrate the sights on my smoke-wagon. Anyway, he came back, threatened me and my 91 year old grandmother, and proceeded to get capped in the dome one early monday morning. The kids can play outside again.
Look at this fucker! Thats right, not only are they horribly evil, vicious, and without souls...but they're drunks, too! I advise leaving the occasional open liquor around your yard. Apparently, the pricks have no off switch when it comes to drinking. As much as I hate the idea of them catching a decent buzz before they get alcohol poisoning, in the end they'll be dead and thats the goal.
Again, the following picture is there as a warning to you ALL! The goddamn shit-rats are PREPARING FOR WAR! We need to be ready.
Look at this fucker! Thats right, not only are they horribly evil, vicious, and without souls...but they're drunks, too! I advise leaving the occasional open liquor around your yard. Apparently, the pricks have no off switch when it comes to drinking. As much as I hate the idea of them catching a decent buzz before they get alcohol poisoning, in the end they'll be dead and thats the goal.
Again, the following picture is there as a warning to you ALL! The goddamn shit-rats are PREPARING FOR WAR! We need to be ready.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
And another...
OK, so maybe this is all I have going for me. Squirrels. They are my nemesis. Today, that red one that I THOUGHT I did away with was back again. He no longer goes for his old hiding spot, but he's around. I can't get a clean shot at him, though! I have kids running around the neighborhood, so I have to be careful. Like Axel Rose says, "Just a little patience...yaaa yaa.....".
DOES THIS LOOK CUDDLY TO YOU?!
Also, someone sent me a write-up of this bullshit native-american idea of how squirrels in your life can tell you about yourself or some ridiculous crap. The only thing that shit-rats in my life means is that I'm not doing my part. So, I re-wrote it and sent it back to her. I'd attach the original, but who fucking cares.
This is my updated, 2008 version.
The grey shit-rat is the most common, vile, and the most enthusiastic. Like all shit-rats, it does not hibernate, nor does it feel emotion. It builds its nest in the hollows of trees, in tree tops, or by Satan's right hand. The nest are usually nuclear missile-shaped, and the entrance is on the side(near the dead human baby skulls). Even though it is bigger than the red, if confronted the grey will usually run and avoid any fight. This allows the grey ample time to premeditate the violent death that it will rain down upon the red(usually while the red is sleeping or feeding its young). Its predominant predators are the foxes, Kelly, and raptors such as the owl and the hawk. Gray shit-rats, like the red shit-rat, usually have 2 litters per year(OH MY FUCKING GAWD SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE!!!), and as long as they have a steady supply of human blood and bone marrow, they also are usually able to be on their own in about 12 weeks.
All shit-rats can be quite sociable, and homicidal. The wrestle, steal, and kill for play, and the are extremely observant and imitative. They are terrorists and they build bombs. The imitation of the other shit-rats is how they learn. Individuals with shit-rat totems learn best by doing evil deeds rather than by studying Godly deeds.
Shit-rats are also quite communicative. Their screams of horror can often be heard in the trees when disturbed, playing, or chewing on human infant faces. Their bushy tail, while making foolish humans think they are something other than a rat, adds to their expressiveness along with providing warmth, shade, balance, and a place to stash a homemade shank. The shit-rat will often express its one emotion, carnal hatred, through flicks of its tail..
Every shit-rat has rabies and is unique, and its medicine will be activated differently for everyone. IF A SHIT-RAT HAS SCAMPERED INTO YOUR LIFE, EXAMINE YOUR OWN ACTIVITY AND PREPAREDNESS(Do I have enough ammo? Are my sights on?). ARE YOU TOO ACTIVE? NOT ACTIVE ENOUGH? ARE YOU NOT PLANNING AT ALL FOR YOUR FUTURE, DISTANT OR NEAR?(I need to get up earlier, because that is when they are most active.) ARE YOU BECOMING TO ERRATIC-RUNNING TO AND FRO AND NOT ACCOMPLISHING ANYTHING?(Yeah, but what the fuck does that have to do with a shit-rat?) DO YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO SAVE AND RATION ON ANY LEVEL-INCLUDING MONEY, TIME, ENERGY, SHIT-RAT HIDES, ECT.?ARE YOU AFRAID YOU WILL NEVER HAVE ENOUGH SHIT-RAT HEAD-SHOTS?(Absolutely) ARE YOU GETTING TO HUNG UP ON COLLECTING AND ACCUMULATING? ARE YOU GATHERING AND NOT GIVING?(Whatever...)
Shit-rats can't teach us jack shit. If we are too soft, shit-rats may appear to help us. Shit-rats are the masters at preparing the apocalypse, but they also are reminders that in our quest for our goals, we should always make time to socialize, play, and feed on the weak and sick. Work and play go hand in hand, or the work will create problems and become more difficult and less fruitless. Shit-rats like fruit. Everyone run out and get a new pellet gun, we will take back our city!
Like W said in his infinite fucking wisdom..."LET'S ROLL!"
DOES THIS LOOK CUDDLY TO YOU?!
Also, someone sent me a write-up of this bullshit native-american idea of how squirrels in your life can tell you about yourself or some ridiculous crap. The only thing that shit-rats in my life means is that I'm not doing my part. So, I re-wrote it and sent it back to her. I'd attach the original, but who fucking cares.
This is my updated, 2008 version.
The grey shit-rat is the most common, vile, and the most enthusiastic. Like all shit-rats, it does not hibernate, nor does it feel emotion. It builds its nest in the hollows of trees, in tree tops, or by Satan's right hand. The nest are usually nuclear missile-shaped, and the entrance is on the side(near the dead human baby skulls). Even though it is bigger than the red, if confronted the grey will usually run and avoid any fight. This allows the grey ample time to premeditate the violent death that it will rain down upon the red(usually while the red is sleeping or feeding its young). Its predominant predators are the foxes, Kelly, and raptors such as the owl and the hawk. Gray shit-rats, like the red shit-rat, usually have 2 litters per year(OH MY FUCKING GAWD SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE!!!), and as long as they have a steady supply of human blood and bone marrow, they also are usually able to be on their own in about 12 weeks.
All shit-rats can be quite sociable, and homicidal. The wrestle, steal, and kill for play, and the are extremely observant and imitative. They are terrorists and they build bombs. The imitation of the other shit-rats is how they learn. Individuals with shit-rat totems learn best by doing evil deeds rather than by studying Godly deeds.
Shit-rats are also quite communicative. Their screams of horror can often be heard in the trees when disturbed, playing, or chewing on human infant faces. Their bushy tail, while making foolish humans think they are something other than a rat, adds to their expressiveness along with providing warmth, shade, balance, and a place to stash a homemade shank. The shit-rat will often express its one emotion, carnal hatred, through flicks of its tail..
Every shit-rat has rabies and is unique, and its medicine will be activated differently for everyone. IF A SHIT-RAT HAS SCAMPERED INTO YOUR LIFE, EXAMINE YOUR OWN ACTIVITY AND PREPAREDNESS(Do I have enough ammo? Are my sights on?). ARE YOU TOO ACTIVE? NOT ACTIVE ENOUGH? ARE YOU NOT PLANNING AT ALL FOR YOUR FUTURE, DISTANT OR NEAR?(I need to get up earlier, because that is when they are most active.) ARE YOU BECOMING TO ERRATIC-RUNNING TO AND FRO AND NOT ACCOMPLISHING ANYTHING?(Yeah, but what the fuck does that have to do with a shit-rat?) DO YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO SAVE AND RATION ON ANY LEVEL-INCLUDING MONEY, TIME, ENERGY, SHIT-RAT HIDES, ECT.?ARE YOU AFRAID YOU WILL NEVER HAVE ENOUGH SHIT-RAT HEAD-SHOTS?(Absolutely) ARE YOU GETTING TO HUNG UP ON COLLECTING AND ACCUMULATING? ARE YOU GATHERING AND NOT GIVING?(Whatever...)
Shit-rats can't teach us jack shit. If we are too soft, shit-rats may appear to help us. Shit-rats are the masters at preparing the apocalypse, but they also are reminders that in our quest for our goals, we should always make time to socialize, play, and feed on the weak and sick. Work and play go hand in hand, or the work will create problems and become more difficult and less fruitless. Shit-rats like fruit. Everyone run out and get a new pellet gun, we will take back our city!
Like W said in his infinite fucking wisdom..."LET'S ROLL!"
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