I'm sorry!

I received this little gem of a note on my car's windshield the other night outside of the curling club.

Look, it was an accident.  The roads are all messed up with snow and ice piles, and it really didn't appear to be the end of a driveway that I parked in front of.  St. Paul is a messed-up, idiotic place and it appeared to me to be some strange old sidewalk.

That isn't important here, though.  What is is the logic that the note-writer in question uses in constructing this hate-filled diatribe.  Apparently, if I blocked the driveway on purpose, I'm an asshole.  That seems fair enough.  Things get weird, though, were I to have accidentally blocked the driveway.  In my mind, that would make me a lesser variety of asshole.  In the writer's vengeful mind, though, that makes me a reckless asshole.  How the hell do I get this elevated status of asshole if I didn't even do it on purpose?  It just doesn't seem fair.

Skymall completes me...

Every time I fly, I swear that they could never top the dumb shit that I saw the time before.

 

 They never disappoint. Look at that dude's face! He knows that he looks like an asshole. He also knows that some other asshole is going to get bored on a plane, take a photo of him in this photo, and write some idiotic blog post about it. Done and done.

Cute undies!

Quite a few people(neighbors included) have seen me in my underwear over the years. I guess I have no problems walking around in whatever I see fit, as long as I keep it PG-13ish. I've never been told "Hey Kelly, those are really cute undies!"... and I sure as shit don't plan on clicking on this facebook link in order to make it happen. Pure visuals aside, what dude is going to buy underwear from a company called BonBon, anyway? This would probably be a good time to plug Flint and Tinder. I supported these guys on Kickstarter, and got 3 of the best pairs of drawers a guy could want. Best part... they're the only brand a guy can get that's completely made in the USA. Every time I put a pair of their undies on, a bald eagle spreads it's wings and goes "CCAAAWWWW!!!!".

I lifted this screenshot off of a friend's OK Cupid questionnaire. I've never been one for the dating site thing, but I had no idea it was so damn COOL! How the hell did these questions get next to each other? I'm thinking of joining just to see the rest of this thing.

I don't yoga. It's not that I think that it's total crap, I just don't do it. I definitely don't "Moksha Hot Yoga", and this ad I found isn't helping to change that opinion.

What is the significance of shooting an ad for a hot yoga class in the middle of a grocery store isle? I know this wasn't conceptualized by a professional ad agency, but seriously, how was this idea hatched?

Easter Suit/part 8?

As it did the last 7 years or so, the Easter Suit made another triumphant return to the streets of Minneapolis last week. As with every time before, all it requires is that I put it on in the morning. The rest always unfolds from there...

Mom?

This was undoubtably the strangest conversation via text message that I've ever had. It doesn't need much prequel. All you have to know is that my parents were first asking me to go to Jimmy's on Sunday morning(awesome), then later that day, sending me real-time pictures/correspondence of their trip that they finally took to the Strip Club steak house that I bought them for Christmas last year.

Let the shit-olympics begin...