Brasa

Before Brasa even opened, I hated it. Of course, this is totally irrational, but it took over the spot vacated by my favorite place to get coffee and read the paper. So because of my own stupid sentimental crap, I never gave it a chance, until last year.

That was when I had the Great Pasta Disaster of 2008, where an entire batch of my own homemade pasta sauce ended up on the kitchen floor. I proceeded to calmly pour the rest of my bottle of wine into a mason jar, and drove to Brasa for the first time. I don't even remember what I had, but the experience was overshadowed by my kitchen clumsiness, as well as the fact that I was buzzed and driving around with a $25 chianti that I had turned into a roadie.

This time, my acumen was right where it needed to be for a meal at an establishment that has, since opening, garnered itself quite the reputation.

So, here is what I ate. Rotisserie chicken. Black-eyed peas with cornbread. Fried plantains.



So how was it, my three readers may be asking themselves? Let me put it like this. I have a few rules when it comes to food, and I adhere to these rules quite strictly. They are mostly for my health. One of them is that I don't eat chicken skin for the sake of eating chicken skin. Another is that unless its the 4th of July, I don't fucking eat pork. Well guess what, I was dipping the chicken skin into the red sauce like it was chips and salsa. And I couldn't even bring myself to eat around the pork bits in the black-eyed peas... just couldn't do it. I ate everything on my entire plate with reckless abandon. I was embarrassed for my self and my family, but I couldn't stop eating.



So, yeah, the moral of this story is that Brasa earned its stripes for a reason. Holy shit, it's good.

Modern... again.

OK, I know that this is my third trip to The Modern. I don't care. The experience has always been great, its close to my house and it was snowing like a mofo. This time I swore that I wasn't going to be derailed in my quest for the pot roast. I was focused. No specials today for cute waitresses to sell me on... perfect. I went in with a mission, goddamnit. Gimme my fucking pot roast.



And my wine, for fuck's sake.

More crime=fit cops... True public service.

I know this is a departure from my food postings, but seriously, if I see one more fat cop I'm gonna... well I probably won't do shit. But seriously, there are so many fat ass cops. Its disgusting. Is this where our tax money is going? Does officer Dude really need the Super Xtreme Bacon Burger with Onion Chipperoons and a soda the size of his fat fucking thigh? Besides shooting them, how the hell are these guys going to catch a guy who just lifted a bag of chips from the convenience store? That is unless he hasn't eaten in 20 minutes... in which case getting the fucking bag of chips will be high on the priority list.



The answer to this problem is obvious. Every time you see a fat cop, you should consider it your public duty to commit some random crime(preferably one that WON'T get you shot). Then run. Hopefully, his fat ass will run after you, thus getting some exercise. Seriously, Officer Fatty, DO YOU REALLY NEED TO EAT THAT ENTIRE THING?

Victor's

Oh man I walked into Victor's and I've never seen 3 employees laughing so hard! What a great introduction to a place you've never been to... and at 8 in the morning! At first, being that I'm MUCH more stupid than usual at that time on a Saturday morning, I narcissistically thought that they were laughing at me. They weren't. I don't know what the hell they were laughing at.



I had something called the Bistec Criollo. It didn't really come out looking quite as beautiful as I hoped, but it tasted fucking great! These are the Yuca fries. They kind of had the taste of an astringent-like soap. That is probably unfair, because they really are good! Mmmmm... good soap.

Whitey's

I'm grey on Whitey's to this day, but I can't deny the power of the Slow Roasted Beef. Consistently one of the most perfect roast beef sandwiches I've ever had.



Nothing of any interest happened on this after-work trip to Whitey's, unless you count the fact that I have never seen as much mascara on a woman's eyes than I saw on my waitress.

Quang!

You know, I actually made it down here a few days ago, but I made the mistake of going during the peak lunch hour so the only place that they had for a solo eater was right near the damn register under the worst possible light. Thus, no photo proof.

Quang is one of those places that we've had brought in during many jobs, but I never ate there until recently. Always excellent food and service for the money. I had just standard-ass beef pho. Not too adventurous, I know, but I wanted a photo of pho so thats what I got.



I took my friend Jenny out with me this afternoon, and this is what she ordered. I think it was the #110?



We also got some fresh tofu spring rolls. I would have loved to post a picture of them, and I did photograph them, but I realized that fresh spring rolls just look kind of nasty. I never thought about this until now, but if you could make wrappings out of snot, I think thats what they would look and feel like. Think about it. Say you could gather up enough snot, pour it out like a batter, dry it some, then flatten it and cut it into wraps. Then you make spring rolls. I mean, they're white and kind of sticky. If anyone is still reading this, I'm apologize.

Kramarchek's

Man I love borscht. Can't exactly call myself a connoisseur, but I love it.



If you plan on going to Kramarchek's anytime soon, take heed. They just switched up their system from cafeteria style to... something else. I really couldn't tell you what the hell was going on. All I know is I put on more milage in that restaurant from the time I walked in until the time that I left than I ever have in ANY restaurant. I mean, they have a hand held menu now, and bring you your food, but you still pay at the cafeteria line? And when you're done eating?

So, I attached a diagram here which maps out my physical experience yesterday. If it looks like a complete clusterfuck, thats because it was.

The Modern. Part Deux.

As I try to do every week, I took my Grandmom out for lunch today. I REALLY wanted to do Vietnamese, but my Grandma is a 92 year old Polish woman and she was thinking chicken noodle soup. Thats cool, because I really was craving pot roast ever since the last phenomenal experience that I had at The Modern.

When we arrived at the Modern a bit before lunch, it was empty. Half way through lunch, it was full. That should give you an idea of just how good their food is. As I said, I went for Grandma and the pot roast. The saleswoman-like waitress had other gastronomic plans for me, though. She sold me on the special... Mussels in some beautiful cream sauce with chorizo, raisins, and other goodness.



This is why a guy needs to listen to women. Always. If I didn't do what my Grandma said, I would have been at Quang(which is tomorrow). If I hadn't listened to the waitress(like I had a choice), I would have had pot roast. As it was, though, I had a great lunch, and got a pretty cool photo to boot.

Speaking of my Granny, she HATES when I take her photo. HATES IT. I had to take her picture through a mirror and lie to her by telling her I was photographing someone else. Its either that or have her take another swing at my camera. It has happened.



No, she isn't dying here. She just can't see for shit, and I kind of think its funny to watch her read.

Cuando el río suena, agua lleva

So I knew that I said that I like keeping it in the neighborhood as often as I can, but after some worthy advice from my friend Sally, I decided to take a trip to south Minneapolis again for some more Mexican food. I had a pretty damn good experience at La Vina, I must say. It was off hours, and was the only one in the entire restaurant. I also quickly realized that I was definitely the only one who spoke English(or couldn't speak Spanish). That is always an excellent sign.

Anyway, we worked together and made it happen. Pollo Enchiladas.



The best part of this photo was when I was setting up the food and taking it. Digital cameras have those reflective backs, and you can see what is going on behind you. The waitress wasn't just giving me glancing looks as she walked back and forth. She'd stop and stare at me like I had a Total Recall-esque Quato coming out of my back. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then perhaps you should watch Total Recall again.

Also, a certain friend of mine sounds like she has been battling the cigarette craving lately. Perhaps this photo of me post-Mexican food will help. Nothing better than a cigarette after some good spicy food. Sorry, I loves me some peer pressure.

Shaws, NE

Man, we had a day today at work. Kyle and I needed a few beers and a burger so bad that you'd think it was our last day of a 3 week location job where we had to end each day scrubbing elephant shit off the equipment before we pack it. That never happened, but I can imagine that it wouldn't be the most auspicious of jobs. We DID have to be uncontaminated, wear booties and a hair net, not to mention spend hours in cubicle-ville.

Anyway, I went and tried(once again) to tackle the Shaw Burger. Once again, I failed, but not because of lack of effort. Eating a Shaw Burger makes me extremely thankful that they are just out of short walking distance for me. If they were a bit closer and serving these things until late every night, I would probably need to get new pants in 3 months. Thank you, Shaw's. You took Kyle's and my mood from a 4 to about an 8 in less than an hour. And, again, I apologize for the karaoke incident that I inflicted upon your establishment a few years back.

JIMMY'S!!!

For the record, this is THE best bar that I know of. I just couldn't fathom carrying out even the most unambitious project without giving the Beer Stick its proper due.

Its a meat stick. A damn good meat stick. Man, these things have this perfect texture and wonderful sweet finish to them. I don't really think that beer is used anywhere in the making of them. Thats the genius that is Jimmy's, though. Its just like the concept of titties that advertisers have long used to sell just about any unrelated thing. Just throw 'em in there and watch the sales go up. Why wouldn't you just throw 'Beer' in front of 'Stick'? Simply intelligent marketing. The only way they could probably sell more of these is if they were in the shape of titties.

Adelita's

Man, I love Mexican food. Despite trying to trick myself into ordering something different, I knew that I was going to be getting a burrito on my first trip to this restaurant. Its cool to eat, but I'll have to say that they don't make the best of photos. FYI, this place does a bitchin' hot salsa(temperature hot). Sounds strange to alot of us gringos, I know, but with a bit of research, I found that to be quite authentic to some regions. Don't get me wrong, looking at it right now makes me want another... but I guess its just not quite as... um...

I think they still serve food at 1:06 in the morning so I'm going to wrap this up right now.*




*I feel compelled to let all 3 of my readers that no, they don't serve food at 1:06 AM. They actually close at 10-11. There's always Flameburger, though...

Azia

Anyone who knows me knows that I don't like to take my money out of my own neighborhood very often. I am trying to be more flexible these days, though, and not just always try to get my way. Plus, I was dining with 2 others on this day, so when they said Azia, I said OK.

Now, I'm not a restaurant critic, but I get around enough to have a moderately valid onpinion(in my opinion). Azia was just not for me. They have a great happy hour, no doubt, but that is really the only time I can see eating there. And it wasn't so much the food... that was really good. The whole place just kind of feels forced to me. I couldn't tell you what the music was that they had going, but Rebecca mentioned something about a Cirque de Solei CD, and that sounded about right. I was half expecting the songs of the Humpback Whales to come on next.

Me vs. The Modern Cafe

The economy sucks and I'm sure restaurants are feeling it. I like taking photos of food. I've got a few days off and I like to eat... but I never eat out enough. So, I decided I'm going to whack a whole bunch of birds at once this week, and maybe part of next. I'm going to eat lunch out as often as I can. I'm going to photograph all the food. I'm going to do my part in economic blah blah. I'm also going to be a happier guy because the food is going to be good. Hopefully.

So this is my first run at it. Went to the Modern and faced down the Lamb burger with tomato chutney, tzatziki, greens, and a fennel bun.

It didn't stand a chance.

Before.


After.



I could have ate the last fry, but sometimes I like to leave one on the plate as a warning to its brethren. Its kind of like in the movie Beastmaster when Marc Singer comes back to his people and they have all been slaughtered. Well, the dudes who did it aren't just going to burn or bury all the bodies. No. They have to impale some of them on steaks and stand them up in the ground so they're just hanging there, you know? Tell me that wouldn't get the point across...

Flameburger.

This beautiful burger came into my life at a time when I needed it most a few weeks back. I'm not in quite the need for its services now as I was then, but I still miss it, and it still holds a special place in my heart.