Bonspiel!

I was in my first curling tournament this past weekend at the St. Paul Curling Club.



Needless to say, it was not the most formal event of the year.

Yes, again.

I guess I can't go to the Modern forever on this project. They have a small menu, which I love, but eventually I'll run out of food to photograph there... unless you take specials into consideration.

You know, there isn't anything I hate more than a restaurant with a giant menu that spans multiple different ethnicities of food. I can't name one that does that well. I bet you cant either, because they don't exist. My grandma wants to go to the Green Mill sometimes. I don't fight always, but seriously, take a look at their menu once. Holy shit. Its probably 10 pages. 10 pages of fried shit. Overcooked Cisco doo-doo. Greek booger salads right next to Asian poo salads. Butt-cheese lasagne right next to the worst skank steak you could ever find.

This food, sir, is NOT that...



I can't remember exactly what was in this beet/spinich/egg salad. I DO remember both myself and the person I was there with being overly surprised by how fucking good it was. What surprises me now was that I was even surprised. Kudos, Modern.

True Thai

Yesterday was a shitty, rainy, shitty day. I can feel another cold streak coming, but I don't want to check the weather because I'm scared it'll make it worse.

I went to the new Seward co-op, hoping for some enlightening experience that will initiate a change in my stagnant cooking habits. It didn't happen. Its nice and all, but it just didn't happen. I got the necessary ingredients for the pasta sauce I was making that night and left. I should mention here that that sauce is 10 years in development for me, its one of my best items, and it somehow came out blah. Nice day.

I DID see True Thai on the way out, though. Another one of those places that I've eaten take out from a few times, but only once at the restaurant. I figured I'd stop, even though I didn't want to because I had to eat my own food soon. Begrudgingly, I ordered tofu lab salad because I figured it wouldn't fill me up. I barely even wanted to eat it.



Lab salad is good, but it doesn't photograph all that well. If I wasn't even gonna eat my food, I could have got something a bit more dynamic, at least. Dumb fucking me. And my lugubrious mood should NOT reflect on True Thai. They have perhaps the best thai food in the city. Its just that its still raining so I'm like fuck it...

Wild Roast

It took Jenny and I about an hour to decide where to eat today. Part of that is because we were at Jimmy's trying to decide(not smart), part is because I'm an extremely indecisive dude. Of course, when we got here, it took me another 10 minutes to decide what to eat. I was about 5 minutes from missing the light for this shot all together because I can't make up my mind about anything. No wonder I'm still single at 33...



Its the Trinity College Tuna Melt. It is delicious.

I hate Bar Lurcat.

As someone who has a bit of nostalgia for The Loring Bar, you might be able to imagine my disdain at the monstrosity that is Lurcat. I'm not sure that they could have found a more polar opposite to fill its shoes. I hate its vespa-esque music. I hate its post modern bullshit decor. I hate the beautiful sinks that always end up splashing on me when I wash my hands. I DON'T hate our mayor, but when it comes to going out for the night, I really don't feel like he and I have the same goals and therefore I don't want to party at the same bar as he and his wife.

That being said, I cannot deny the Lurcat mini burger. No man can deny the Lurcat mini burger.



I maintain that I would gladly give up 5 years of my life if the alternative was living life without ketchup. Ketchup does not belong on the Lurcat mini burger. Nothing does. Its perfect as you see it above. They gave me the low down of what is involved in the making of it once. I was eating one at the time, so the only thing that I remember is... butter.

Elie's

Downtown Minneapolis gets a bad rap from people like me... and for good reason. Besides First Ave, I can only think of 3 places off hand that I like to go to. Murry's, Cuzzy's, and Elie's. Shit man, I once got denied to the most wanker-esque establishment of all(Norman's) because my BRAND NEW BLUE SUEDE CHUCK TAYLORS didn't work with their no tennis shoes dress code. Can you imagine the look on my fucking face!? Excuse me, tennis shoes?!?

Anyway, I showed up at Elie's at the exact second they opened(yes, I'm that guy), got my seat by the window, and ordered the steak benedict.



For the record, I don't even like eggs benedict, I just thought it would make the best photo out of all the breakfast items. Thats dedication.

*This part is an edit on my original post. A friend of mine sounded like she had quite the bad sunday, so I thought I'd share the lineage of events that happened on this particular sunday.

Coffee
Elie's breakfast/photos
Whitey's to read the paper, drink coffee and greyhounds.
Read the internet news while watching for squirrels to shoot.
Chess.
Coffee
Chess at the Spring Street.
General drunken shananagans with friends.
Night alone with special woman.

I'm a lucky dude.

One man show

Part of the whole food photos project that is so cool is that I'm spending money at a time when too many people are watching too much TV. If you watch some asshole 'expert' flap his arms enough while spouting off about impending financial doom, that may tend to make a person clamp down. Fortunately, I live relatively cheap, have been working a good amount for this time of year, and I don't own a TV. Therefore, I have enough money to do this, and I'm not scared.

I do miss cooking, though. And I did have $43.67 left on my Ready Meats gift card.

So, I decided to play chef, food stylist, photographer, diner, and dishwasher. Seared/Broiled peppered filet mignon with a red wine reduction sauce and crumbled blue cheese, roasted roma tomatoes, all served over a bed of mixed greens.



Notice the distinct lack of blue cheese. Thats because my dumb ass found out its harder than I thought to wear all those hats at once and remember to use all the fucking ingredients. Plus, I was hungry, so I tried to get it done while the food was still hot(I failed). The time crunch proved to much to handle.

I broiled some carrots, too, but decided not to use them in the shot. This shot turned out kind of cool, though, so here.

Afterparty ala Jimmy's

Jenny and I had a conversation about whether or not we should continue our afternoon wine buzz in an establishment a bit more suitable. It was a short conversation. As always, Jimmy's delivers smiles, photos, camaraderie...



...and booze.

Its hard for me to tell people how much I love this place. I could give you 7 reasons right now why wherever you are right now just sucks compared to Jimmy's. That being said, I'm gonna keep my fucking mouth shut, because Jimmy's is a bit less known than most the NE bars. I'd like to keep it that way.

...and again.

So Jenny and I went to The Modern(again) for lunch. Again, I somehow feel like I need to apologize for eating at the same place four times in a month when there are so many other restaurants to try. Like I said, though, its close, extremely good, and they also have good, cheap wine from 11-4 during the week. Also, they have beautiful food, good surfaces, and excellent light... thus, making it a near sure thing as far as photos go. Also, Sally is great. Unpredictable, and great.

What the fuck. Why am I apologizing, or even explaining where I'm eating? Its my fucking project, and my fucking money.

Heres my fucking soup.



Oh, and whilst outside having a victory cig, I saw this. It has nothing to do with anything, obviously, but I thought it was cool.

Brasa

Before Brasa even opened, I hated it. Of course, this is totally irrational, but it took over the spot vacated by my favorite place to get coffee and read the paper. So because of my own stupid sentimental crap, I never gave it a chance, until last year.

That was when I had the Great Pasta Disaster of 2008, where an entire batch of my own homemade pasta sauce ended up on the kitchen floor. I proceeded to calmly pour the rest of my bottle of wine into a mason jar, and drove to Brasa for the first time. I don't even remember what I had, but the experience was overshadowed by my kitchen clumsiness, as well as the fact that I was buzzed and driving around with a $25 chianti that I had turned into a roadie.

This time, my acumen was right where it needed to be for a meal at an establishment that has, since opening, garnered itself quite the reputation.

So, here is what I ate. Rotisserie chicken. Black-eyed peas with cornbread. Fried plantains.



So how was it, my three readers may be asking themselves? Let me put it like this. I have a few rules when it comes to food, and I adhere to these rules quite strictly. They are mostly for my health. One of them is that I don't eat chicken skin for the sake of eating chicken skin. Another is that unless its the 4th of July, I don't fucking eat pork. Well guess what, I was dipping the chicken skin into the red sauce like it was chips and salsa. And I couldn't even bring myself to eat around the pork bits in the black-eyed peas... just couldn't do it. I ate everything on my entire plate with reckless abandon. I was embarrassed for my self and my family, but I couldn't stop eating.



So, yeah, the moral of this story is that Brasa earned its stripes for a reason. Holy shit, it's good.

Modern... again.

OK, I know that this is my third trip to The Modern. I don't care. The experience has always been great, its close to my house and it was snowing like a mofo. This time I swore that I wasn't going to be derailed in my quest for the pot roast. I was focused. No specials today for cute waitresses to sell me on... perfect. I went in with a mission, goddamnit. Gimme my fucking pot roast.



And my wine, for fuck's sake.

More crime=fit cops... True public service.

I know this is a departure from my food postings, but seriously, if I see one more fat cop I'm gonna... well I probably won't do shit. But seriously, there are so many fat ass cops. Its disgusting. Is this where our tax money is going? Does officer Dude really need the Super Xtreme Bacon Burger with Onion Chipperoons and a soda the size of his fat fucking thigh? Besides shooting them, how the hell are these guys going to catch a guy who just lifted a bag of chips from the convenience store? That is unless he hasn't eaten in 20 minutes... in which case getting the fucking bag of chips will be high on the priority list.



The answer to this problem is obvious. Every time you see a fat cop, you should consider it your public duty to commit some random crime(preferably one that WON'T get you shot). Then run. Hopefully, his fat ass will run after you, thus getting some exercise. Seriously, Officer Fatty, DO YOU REALLY NEED TO EAT THAT ENTIRE THING?

Victor's

Oh man I walked into Victor's and I've never seen 3 employees laughing so hard! What a great introduction to a place you've never been to... and at 8 in the morning! At first, being that I'm MUCH more stupid than usual at that time on a Saturday morning, I narcissistically thought that they were laughing at me. They weren't. I don't know what the hell they were laughing at.



I had something called the Bistec Criollo. It didn't really come out looking quite as beautiful as I hoped, but it tasted fucking great! These are the Yuca fries. They kind of had the taste of an astringent-like soap. That is probably unfair, because they really are good! Mmmmm... good soap.

Whitey's

I'm grey on Whitey's to this day, but I can't deny the power of the Slow Roasted Beef. Consistently one of the most perfect roast beef sandwiches I've ever had.



Nothing of any interest happened on this after-work trip to Whitey's, unless you count the fact that I have never seen as much mascara on a woman's eyes than I saw on my waitress.

Quang!

You know, I actually made it down here a few days ago, but I made the mistake of going during the peak lunch hour so the only place that they had for a solo eater was right near the damn register under the worst possible light. Thus, no photo proof.

Quang is one of those places that we've had brought in during many jobs, but I never ate there until recently. Always excellent food and service for the money. I had just standard-ass beef pho. Not too adventurous, I know, but I wanted a photo of pho so thats what I got.



I took my friend Jenny out with me this afternoon, and this is what she ordered. I think it was the #110?



We also got some fresh tofu spring rolls. I would have loved to post a picture of them, and I did photograph them, but I realized that fresh spring rolls just look kind of nasty. I never thought about this until now, but if you could make wrappings out of snot, I think thats what they would look and feel like. Think about it. Say you could gather up enough snot, pour it out like a batter, dry it some, then flatten it and cut it into wraps. Then you make spring rolls. I mean, they're white and kind of sticky. If anyone is still reading this, I'm apologize.

Kramarchek's

Man I love borscht. Can't exactly call myself a connoisseur, but I love it.



If you plan on going to Kramarchek's anytime soon, take heed. They just switched up their system from cafeteria style to... something else. I really couldn't tell you what the hell was going on. All I know is I put on more milage in that restaurant from the time I walked in until the time that I left than I ever have in ANY restaurant. I mean, they have a hand held menu now, and bring you your food, but you still pay at the cafeteria line? And when you're done eating?

So, I attached a diagram here which maps out my physical experience yesterday. If it looks like a complete clusterfuck, thats because it was.

The Modern. Part Deux.

As I try to do every week, I took my Grandmom out for lunch today. I REALLY wanted to do Vietnamese, but my Grandma is a 92 year old Polish woman and she was thinking chicken noodle soup. Thats cool, because I really was craving pot roast ever since the last phenomenal experience that I had at The Modern.

When we arrived at the Modern a bit before lunch, it was empty. Half way through lunch, it was full. That should give you an idea of just how good their food is. As I said, I went for Grandma and the pot roast. The saleswoman-like waitress had other gastronomic plans for me, though. She sold me on the special... Mussels in some beautiful cream sauce with chorizo, raisins, and other goodness.



This is why a guy needs to listen to women. Always. If I didn't do what my Grandma said, I would have been at Quang(which is tomorrow). If I hadn't listened to the waitress(like I had a choice), I would have had pot roast. As it was, though, I had a great lunch, and got a pretty cool photo to boot.

Speaking of my Granny, she HATES when I take her photo. HATES IT. I had to take her picture through a mirror and lie to her by telling her I was photographing someone else. Its either that or have her take another swing at my camera. It has happened.



No, she isn't dying here. She just can't see for shit, and I kind of think its funny to watch her read.

Cuando el río suena, agua lleva

So I knew that I said that I like keeping it in the neighborhood as often as I can, but after some worthy advice from my friend Sally, I decided to take a trip to south Minneapolis again for some more Mexican food. I had a pretty damn good experience at La Vina, I must say. It was off hours, and was the only one in the entire restaurant. I also quickly realized that I was definitely the only one who spoke English(or couldn't speak Spanish). That is always an excellent sign.

Anyway, we worked together and made it happen. Pollo Enchiladas.



The best part of this photo was when I was setting up the food and taking it. Digital cameras have those reflective backs, and you can see what is going on behind you. The waitress wasn't just giving me glancing looks as she walked back and forth. She'd stop and stare at me like I had a Total Recall-esque Quato coming out of my back. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then perhaps you should watch Total Recall again.

Also, a certain friend of mine sounds like she has been battling the cigarette craving lately. Perhaps this photo of me post-Mexican food will help. Nothing better than a cigarette after some good spicy food. Sorry, I loves me some peer pressure.

Shaws, NE

Man, we had a day today at work. Kyle and I needed a few beers and a burger so bad that you'd think it was our last day of a 3 week location job where we had to end each day scrubbing elephant shit off the equipment before we pack it. That never happened, but I can imagine that it wouldn't be the most auspicious of jobs. We DID have to be uncontaminated, wear booties and a hair net, not to mention spend hours in cubicle-ville.

Anyway, I went and tried(once again) to tackle the Shaw Burger. Once again, I failed, but not because of lack of effort. Eating a Shaw Burger makes me extremely thankful that they are just out of short walking distance for me. If they were a bit closer and serving these things until late every night, I would probably need to get new pants in 3 months. Thank you, Shaw's. You took Kyle's and my mood from a 4 to about an 8 in less than an hour. And, again, I apologize for the karaoke incident that I inflicted upon your establishment a few years back.

JIMMY'S!!!

For the record, this is THE best bar that I know of. I just couldn't fathom carrying out even the most unambitious project without giving the Beer Stick its proper due.

Its a meat stick. A damn good meat stick. Man, these things have this perfect texture and wonderful sweet finish to them. I don't really think that beer is used anywhere in the making of them. Thats the genius that is Jimmy's, though. Its just like the concept of titties that advertisers have long used to sell just about any unrelated thing. Just throw 'em in there and watch the sales go up. Why wouldn't you just throw 'Beer' in front of 'Stick'? Simply intelligent marketing. The only way they could probably sell more of these is if they were in the shape of titties.

Adelita's

Man, I love Mexican food. Despite trying to trick myself into ordering something different, I knew that I was going to be getting a burrito on my first trip to this restaurant. Its cool to eat, but I'll have to say that they don't make the best of photos. FYI, this place does a bitchin' hot salsa(temperature hot). Sounds strange to alot of us gringos, I know, but with a bit of research, I found that to be quite authentic to some regions. Don't get me wrong, looking at it right now makes me want another... but I guess its just not quite as... um...

I think they still serve food at 1:06 in the morning so I'm going to wrap this up right now.*




*I feel compelled to let all 3 of my readers that no, they don't serve food at 1:06 AM. They actually close at 10-11. There's always Flameburger, though...

Azia

Anyone who knows me knows that I don't like to take my money out of my own neighborhood very often. I am trying to be more flexible these days, though, and not just always try to get my way. Plus, I was dining with 2 others on this day, so when they said Azia, I said OK.

Now, I'm not a restaurant critic, but I get around enough to have a moderately valid onpinion(in my opinion). Azia was just not for me. They have a great happy hour, no doubt, but that is really the only time I can see eating there. And it wasn't so much the food... that was really good. The whole place just kind of feels forced to me. I couldn't tell you what the music was that they had going, but Rebecca mentioned something about a Cirque de Solei CD, and that sounded about right. I was half expecting the songs of the Humpback Whales to come on next.

Me vs. The Modern Cafe

The economy sucks and I'm sure restaurants are feeling it. I like taking photos of food. I've got a few days off and I like to eat... but I never eat out enough. So, I decided I'm going to whack a whole bunch of birds at once this week, and maybe part of next. I'm going to eat lunch out as often as I can. I'm going to photograph all the food. I'm going to do my part in economic blah blah. I'm also going to be a happier guy because the food is going to be good. Hopefully.

So this is my first run at it. Went to the Modern and faced down the Lamb burger with tomato chutney, tzatziki, greens, and a fennel bun.

It didn't stand a chance.

Before.


After.



I could have ate the last fry, but sometimes I like to leave one on the plate as a warning to its brethren. Its kind of like in the movie Beastmaster when Marc Singer comes back to his people and they have all been slaughtered. Well, the dudes who did it aren't just going to burn or bury all the bodies. No. They have to impale some of them on steaks and stand them up in the ground so they're just hanging there, you know? Tell me that wouldn't get the point across...

Flameburger.

This beautiful burger came into my life at a time when I needed it most a few weeks back. I'm not in quite the need for its services now as I was then, but I still miss it, and it still holds a special place in my heart.

Pyka Inez Osborne

This is my new niece! I'm an uncle for the first time! So, yeah, she's not quite ready to run with uncle Kelly quite yet, and uncle Kelly doesn't do baby poo... but I have grandiose plans for her and I when she gets a little older. 20 bucks says I'm her favorite uncle.

Friends with patience.

As a photographer, its great to have interesting looking friends. Its even better when they have the patience to sit for you for a while and help you out. Heres a few of what I hope to be many more.

Colin

New Years

No one went to jail, so I guess it was a success.

Lucas Arts Portraits

more portraits from the party.

Lucas Arts Portraits

This is almost everyone who I knew at the party in San Fran. I was glad to have the opportunity to get them all in the same place over the course of the night.